escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
