Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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