Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
