just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
