He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
