Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
