I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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