NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
