I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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