im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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