OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
