I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
