I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Quick, to the slutcave!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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