My room smells like vodka and shame
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
