he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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