Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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