just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
