this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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