i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish my penis had an off switch
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
