remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
