Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
