So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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