Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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