also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize