It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
