I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
