whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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