she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
