I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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