I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
