I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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