Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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