I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
