I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
