I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
