God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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