yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
