i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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