i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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