i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
