she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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