So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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