so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
