im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
