It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
