she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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