Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
