I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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