made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
