hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
