You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
