Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
