you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
