i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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