I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We named our party play list daddy issues
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
