Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
