my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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