Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
