What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
