she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
