Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
