I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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