So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
