opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize