I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
