Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
