you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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