i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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