I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nicole vs. Life
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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